You never feel more alone then when you don't have anyone to talk to!


On 4/12/2005 a man by the name of Joe passed away. I may have met him once but it was in passing and no conversation of subatance was had between him and I. I know he passed because one of his grand daughters called me to inform me of the families loss.

This Saturday I drove the 130 miles to the funeral mass to be supportive of the family. I must say that besides the family being ultra supportive of me and my life I wanted to be there because personally the grand daughter and I are close.

Well those of you that know me you'll understand why funerals would bring up some aweful memories for me. Obviously I am driving there and I am thinking about things and when I got to the church the prayer cards had a verse that touched me deeply especially in regards to my situation. This card rocked me. Then when the priest was in the entrance of the church saying his blessing tears started to well. The next thing I remember was seeing the six people that I was there to support and I started to shake all over, tears now flowing freely it took me a moment to regain my composure.

Some things that struck me was the utter helplessness on the face of the widow, I could see the heart break on her face and on the faces of her family.

I want to tell this story but I don't want people to feel sorry for me. But I seriously have felt lost since this has happened and don't know what to do.


For further background see post 9/26/02.